It looks like Chick-fil-A won’t just be closed on Sundays anymore.
In a shocking campus announcement made Sunday morning, President Dr. Robert Fisher said Chick-fil-A will be closing in the coming weeks, in order to make way for a new Sodexo To-Go option.
The reason for the decision was ultimately to benefit students’ health, Fisher said.
“In my experience beekeeping I’ve learned a thing or two. But most importantly, I know that a healthy bee often equals a happy bee,” Fisher said. “In this case, the students are the bees.”
Director of Dining Services Kyle Grover is excited for the change and thinks an additional To-Go line will make students very happy.
“We considered closing Mein Bowl at first, but students just love it way too much — we couldn’t bring ourselves to do it,” Grover said. “On the other hand, I don’t know anyone who actually enjoys Chick-fil-A.”
“Closing it is the right move, 100 percent.”
It isn’t clear at this point how soon after Chick-fil-A closes the To-Go option will open, however, Grover could confirm that students will be able to take one additional side at this location.
“This To-Go spot is going to be big league,” he said. “Take another bag of chips, take an extra parfait or side salad, because this dining spot is the real deal, and we want our students to be happy.”
As for the name of the new dining location, Belmont confirmed it will be called “The April Fools Cafe” because this isn’t actually happening. None of this is real. Chick-fil-A isn’t closing.
Got you for a second there, didn’t we?
This article is a work of fiction and is intended for entertainment purposes only. Please don’t send Bob Fisher or Kyle Grover angry emails. Please and thank you.